The Debut of Miss Vivian Rose...

Since little Viv is now a month old, I figured I'd better get myself busy and write about her chaotic appearance...

    First of all, about 3 months before she was born, we chose a name. This was no easy task (never seems to be with us)- but I had secretly been calling her this name in my mind for about 2 months before I approached Clint with it. We had discussed names before, he always shot me down, I pouted, and we moved on. But this name. This felt like her. It was just "it" - and I knew if Clint shot me down once again, I just might lose it and pluck out his eyeballs. One night, I gave him a list of 5 names and said- "choose 2." He did- one that was merely a filler name, and then- he said it...HER name. I was SO relieved!! It was hers! 

VIVIAN. Viv. Vivi. Vivers. ect... I loved it all. I'm kinda big on name meanings, so I looked it up. Vivian: Meaning "Lively" or "Full-of-life." "Vibrant." 

Once again, it was confirmed, this was her, my little "vibrant rose". 

Ok- here goes, I'll try to keep it simple...
Just 2 months before she was born, we lived out one of the most difficult times in our married/family life. In the beginning of February, I got a call from my Dad. My Step-Mom, Laura, had lost her 2 year fight with cancer. We all knew her health was deteriorating, but the call still shocked us. She was gone.
 In hindsight, I can see how we were blessed, I was able to go be with my Dad for the week of the funeral. It was emotional, sad and heavy, but I tried to take comfort in the fact that I had one more amazing spirit in Heaven to watch over us in the trials we were about to face.
The trial that had consumed my mind for months was Clinton's surgery. We had been preparing, but my stomach grew more and more twisted as the days closed in closer. I drove home from my Dad's house in Boise, rested and packed for a couple of days and then we headed to Portland. He rolled into surgery the morning of February 17th, 2012.

Allow me to quickly summarize the next 2 months within a poorly-formed paragraph:
Consults, bloodwork, fear, sickness for me- the pregnant, over-whelmed, terrified Mom), questions from Clinton-the nervous, over-whelmed, terrified boy), Comforts from a strong Dad/Husband, doctors, 10 hours of surgery, blessings of a success, pain, pain, more pain, crying, no sleep, infection?, position changes, pain again, home, transfers from car to house in a body cast-which proved very difficult, ...bending over for Mom - which proved very difficult- (especially when there's a watermelon sized occupant in your uterus), cast clean up, pain, diaper changes, pain, lots and lots of meds, cooking, homework, and laundry, more pain, crying, and diaper changes...cast removal, wheelchair, have I mentioned pain?, still no sleep, rain, searing/every-second-of-the-day-and-night pain in chest thanks to a baby girl's foot inserted between ribs, more bending over, more crying, more cleaning, and more cooking, attempts to walk, pain, itching incision wounds, pain, and finally a return to school- just days before baby sister's welcome- and still more pain...

April 11, 2012. Doc was not happy with this Mom and all the work she'd been doing, baby wasn't growing or gaining as well as she should be, so...it was time to take baby out and feed and love her from the outside.
-This was my "I'm so excited to be done, but totally nervous for the pain I'm about to endure" face.

Signing away...

Having a bounce on the ball, a fun distraction until another contraction comes around.

Still pretty smiley...

but breathing through it when the pain hit.

More pictures?? Really?

Apparently he said something to make me laugh- he's really good at that.

Sooo, about 3 1/2 hours before this picture was taken the pain kicked up- a LOT of notches. A LOT. I hadn't progressed, at all, so they wanted us to start thinking about the epidural to relax me and help things move along. She was face-up which somehow made back labor even worse than I remembered. I wanted to try going natural though. I gave it another half-hour, decided I didn't want another 10ish hours or more of pain without progression, and caved with the epidural. 30 minutes later, I had it and was so relaxed, numb and pain-free I fell asleep and quit breathing. Clint woke me up, and I did it again, and again, and again. I told him to call Anita and the kids to come distract me and keep me awake. The nurse came in and helped scoot me up in bed. I felt the epidural catch on the sheet, worried for a second, and then the kids were there to visit. Clinton wheeled around the room and Cara checked out my I.V.
 I started to feel cinching and pulling in my back. ??? ... That was weird. Then, a minute later, again- and some pain. About 15 worsening minutes of that and I couldn't take anymore- why wasn't the epidural working?!! We had the kids and Anita leave out and the nurse checked me. I had progressed from a 3 to a 5. 50% effaced. That was IT?!!! She said it would be about 4-5 more hours. I was ready to lose it. The nurse figured baby had moved down and was cutting the efficiency of the pain meds. I put on my tough face and had the kids come back in...

10 minutes more and I couldn't breathe. There was no more smiling. Or talking. It was all I could do not to scream out. Clinton wheeled away and started to cry quietly in the corner, I felt so bad for scaring him, it broke my heart. Clint talked with him and had the 3 of them leave out of the room again. Poor things. I begged Clint to call the nurse back to check me again. She walked in and gave me a smile. I told her I had to push, she chuckled  and said "I doubt that." Then, her jaw fell to the floor. I had gone from a 5 to a 10 - 100% and ready to go- in 10 minutes. She ran to page the doc, and call for re-inforcements. There was no time to prepare the cart or even lift the bed.
There are no words to convey the pain. I was ready to climb the walls- I remember hoping I'd lose consciousness. I heard nothing, I saw nothing, I know it was quick- but I have no recollection of time passing. All I remember is looking up to see my teary-eyed husband, with agony in his face. Then thinking of Clinton, all that he had endured, and trying to be half as strong as he was. Seconds, minutes, hours, life-times later - there she was. On my chest and gazing at me before I realized it was over.

My girl.

My eyes cleared from tears and I couldn't believe how amazing she was. My Vivian Rose.

Every inch of me hurt, hair was a mess, make-up long gone, and I couldn't have been more happy.

Our awesome doc went and broke the news that baby was here. They were shocked! We all  thought it would be hours before baby came. Instead, come to find out, the epidural had pulled out when they lifted me in bed - without that to relax, the pain and contractions really sped the process up. A LOT...
 Little Viv wanted her Grandma, brother and sister there when she entered the world.

Happiness.

Introductions.

Smiles again.

The first hold.

A new sister.

Our wonderful nurse let the kids give Viv her first bath.

Not happy.

Such a tiny doll.

Visitors... Karen and "Pa"

Lots of snuggles with dear Grandma.

Sister lovies.

"Sleep in Heavenly Peace"

For the third time in life, I've been blessed to gaze into a brand-new pair of eyes. I'm convinced that there is no better, more purely-happy, full-hearted feeling.

My little petite weighed in at 6 lbs. 7 oz. 18 inches. She was born at 4:40 pm. True to her name, she has made life "lively" ever since. Kisses, hugs, snuggles and loves consume our days now. There couldn't have been a brighter light at the end of the tunnel. 

I love every minute with her.