Gettin used to it...

Clint's been working at his new job for a few weeks now, and it's finally starting to feel like a routine for me. It was really weird trying to get used to him being gone at night. The kids really tested my 'mommy' strength for about 3 weeks... I mean, really tested. There were tears, fights, "NO"-ing, and every time I would get after them, they would pull the "I miss dad!"/ "I want my daddy!" card out and guilt me. I felt like a really crabby mom there for awhile. Bedtime all of the sudden became something we had to learn all over again, which was really frustrating. We've finally settled into reading a couple of books and then speakerphone prayers with dad. It's working out better now, and the kids are learning that we can't call dad every 10 minutes and we can't be loud during the day and wake him. On the bright side, I've become VERY independent. I used to wait for Clint to come home and then I would run errands or go to the store by myself, just for a little break- breaks are unheard of now (unless you consider going to class a break, I don't.) - But, it's built my stamina and patience for the kids. It's also given me a small glimpse of what life would be like without Clint. I'll be raw and honest, I've always had a fear of losing my husband. I don't know how widows do it, let alone widows with young children. Besides the incapacitating grief that would overrun my life- I can't imagine living each day and not being able to share the burdens of life with him. Not only that, but deciding how to raise my children by myself, sharing stories of the cute little things that they've done and learned, help with discipline, keeping up the house, ect... that ALONE would be horrific to me- but that wouldn't be the worst part- just not having Clint would devastate me. In thinking about all of this- it's made me so much MORE thankful for him and all that he does for me. We've been married almost 10 years now, and I know we both take each other for granted. I can see the blessings we are being given through this new chapter in our life. We are learning to help each other more and to do little things for one another to show our appreciation and love. And although, there are days when I feel like literally pulling every strand of hair from my head- It's strengthened me.

OK- on a lighter note, I've been wanting to get the kids out, somewhere, to catch a view of their dad at work. Clinton especially. The boy worships his father and I know he would LOVE to see him driving a "big truck." On Friday (Halloween Day) we had to drive to American Falls to pick up Clint's check (I haven't gotten to the direct deposit form yet)- so, we all went out as a family after Clinton got out of school. It just so happened that there was one solitary truck in the yard, and that one solitary truck just happened to be the one that Clint drives. We were SO excited. The weekend driver was readying it for his work-run and we sat in the car and watched him fuel it up, check the fluids, ect... while Clint ran in to get his check. (We couldn't get out of the Tahoe because of a safety policy they have there- we'd all have to wear hard hats to exit.)

Clinton was ready to bounce out of his seat- he really wanted to go check out the truck and even wanted a ride. I tried to explain that there was NO way he'd get a ride (also company policy) and that I'd take a few pictures to appease him. I had my camera- because of Halloween- in my purse, so I took a few shots. Then the driver pulled it right up in front of our car, I figured he thought I was crazy- taking pictures of him and all, and that he was probably coming over to beat me up.

Luckily, that wasn't the case. Clint came out of the building grinning ear to ear with a little hard hat in his hands. He got Clinton out of his seat and I swear Clinton was BEAMING with delight. Clint's boss had given him permission to take CR out and show him the truck- they got to look around inside and out and check out the trailers.

Halloween could have disappeared and Clinton would have gone to bed happy. It was so fun to watch him with his dad and think of Clint and how his dad did the same things with him. It's helped make CLinton's transistion of dad being gone a little easier, he now plays with his green semi-truck and pretends the driver is Dad. He parks his truck and "loads" it with random things around the house. He really had no idea of what I was talking about when I'd tell him about dad's new job, but now, it's really put him at ease. Thank Goodness.